So, life update time. Thank God for times of exhaustion…they tend to make one vulnerable…at the very least, more honest. I am in Grad School. What a fascinatingly unexpected fact. Esther and I went on a journey to Chicago, then NYC, then South Dakota, to end up in Macomb, IL; where I am getting my M.F.A. in Theatre Performance. Esther’s and my summer was, other than traveling, and performing, and packing up our house and moving away from Bolivar, relatively slow. The speed of life now seems to be going at about the speed of light. I find myself having, once again, that realization of, what was I complaining about? I am really enjoying life. I am enjoying what I am doing. I am doing a lot of what I enjoy doing, and with bags under my eyes and a tired smile on my lips…I write these words. Life…how funny it is. One moment you sit in a coffee shop wondering what you’re doing with your life…the next your sitting in your Grad Office wondering what you’re doing with your life! I miss my friends. I miss being known, or at least feeling like I’m known. I miss not having to explain why I laughed at this or that comment or action. I miss genuinely laughing. It doesn’t happen often. It does happen…just not often. I find myself so full of emotion, and thought, spiritual questions, and physical movement. A part of me wants to scream out STOP! And in the same breath I am begging, NO, PLEASE DON’T STOP! I suppose this means I have achieved some sort of balance. Balance. Yeah, that’s funny. I find I am surrounded by nice people, intelligent people, smiling people. People who bow towards other people walking by, for what reason, I do not know. I’m not quick to bow, just because others do so. I don’t want to play the game. I am in the game, perhaps a pawn or other “lesser” player, but I will go as long as I can without being an active participant in the politics of the institution. What do I want? What is possible? I want to do better than what I see others doing. I want to be apart of something meaningful. I want. I want. I want. I need. I need? What do I need? I don’t know. Again, I know this is all part of the journey…the journey of this young man’s thoughts. Thoughts that, as I review what I have written, are jumbled and messy…however, Life at times can be jumbled and messy too.
youngjeffreyallen 